Forgive me

If I didn’t smile at you today

Say a kind word to you

Or massage your emotional ego

Forgive me

Just as I have forgiven myself

For not saying a kind word to myself

Or tending to my own emotional needs

I went to bed last night

I shut my eyes in anticipation of a deep and peaceful sleep

But sleep did not come

Instead my eyes grew heavy with tears

They dropped down to my pillow gently

Reminding me of the pain I have had to endure

Alone in my bed with no one beside me but me

I am traumatized by that which once gave me joy

I don’t know if that type of joy will ever return

I don’t know if I will ever need it

I am in search of me once more

My laughter, my smile

Cheerfulness and happy thoughts

I am burdened and trying to carry less

Peeling off the extra pounds I have gained

To give life to the new life that once lived in me

That life is now gone with the wind

But still I carry the weight

And it is weighing me down

In ways I never imagined possible

So forgive me

If I am back to finding me

Because I am really in need of me right now

I need to find me

Only then can I give me once again

Finding me……

(C) Nina Fabunmi 2018

She came to me like a thief in the night

She captured my heart

My body was hers

Mind , spirit and soul

I prayed for her, I prayed with her

I sang to her , I spoke words to her

She controlled me

My walk, my talk, my indisposition

I loved her with every ounce of my being

I nurtured her

Made room for her

She took over me

All that I did and did not do was now for her well being

Her heart was beating inside of me

Until one day, it was beating no more

Unable to sustain her life inside me

I almost gave mine up to keep her

But she was gone

Just as quietly as she once snuck up upon me

Without a word or a whisper

She faded away into oblivion

But I still felt her in my within

And then I felt her no more

I am filled with the void that she left inside me

Thankful for the life I have despite her demise

Asking questions that have no answers

Reminded that the load was not mine alone to bear

And yet I bore it alone

Till it all came crashing down on me

Drowning in the pools of my own blood

Saved by the very same angels who took her to a better place

And though she is no more

She hath captured me

She is in my head, my heart, my soul

My body bears the scars she left within me

I see her, I hear her, I feel her

I am captured by her

(c) Nina Fabunmi 2018

The coconut was not ripe when it fell from the tree

Yet it managed to make an impact on the ground upon which it fell

It left an impression, a gentle hollow in the soil

It crushed the weed beneath it

And it’s water seeped out of its crack

Only to nourish the tree from which it fell

Giving back life to that which once gave it life .

(c) Nina Fabunmi 2018