Finding Me Again

Forgive me

If I didn’t smile at you today

Say a kind word to you

Or massage your emotional ego

Forgive me

Just as I have forgiven myself

For not saying a kind word to myself

Or tending to my own emotional needs

I went to bed last night

I shut my eyes in anticipation of a deep and peaceful sleep

But sleep did not come

Instead my eyes grew heavy with tears

They dropped down to my pillow gently

Reminding me of the pain I have had to endure

Alone in my bed with no one beside me but me

I am traumatized by that which once gave me joy

I don’t know if that type of joy will ever return

I don’t know if I will ever need it

I am in search of me once more

My laughter, my smile

Cheerfulness and happy thoughts

I am burdened and trying to carry less

Peeling off the extra pounds I have gained

To give life to the new life that once lived in me

That life is now gone with the wind

But still I carry the weight

And it is weighing me down

In ways I never imagined possible

So forgive me

If I am back to finding me

Because I am really in need of me right now

I need to find me

Only then can I give me once again

Finding me……

(C) Nina Fabunmi 2018

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