When weary winds blow

When my space in infiltrated by that which I do not see

Its like the wind wandering into places no one dares to

You are in my head once again , uninvited

Like the wind that cracked the window open

I think of you, dream of you, wake up calling your name

And yet I sleep in an empty bed, craving you

Wondering if I am supposed to

The weary wind is blowing again

Tugging at my stubborn heart

Wanting that which it does not have

Meant to have or not

Once was but no more

What shall I do with the memories, the thoughts and the love I once felt for you

What shall I do with my undying love

Like an artist with paint but no canvas to express a work of art on

Praying for the wind to take it all away

Yet clinging to it like my dear life

For fear of the weary wind

I will climb into my head and lock myself in a box

The weary wind will not wash away my thoughts

I will take you with me where ever I go

And paint the pretty picture that is us, though not ,but is and will always be

Like a wound that’s yet to be healed

How can I be the band aid for the wounded?

My tears are still overflowing

So how can I stop yours from falling

You left me a slippery ground to walk on

I struggled to keep on walking

Until at last I fell

You were like a derelict piece of land

And yet I planted my seed in you

I watered it with faith, hope and love

And you became profitable

You profited from me

With or without my consent

Whether or not it was descent

You claimed it as your right

Now you are like a flourishing piece of land

And those who eat from you are not me

Where forth went the seed I planted in you

I woke up and you were not there

And I remembered pain

And I remembered when love was real

I thought about her and the fruit of her womb

I wished it was mine but it wasn’t

I wanted to reclaim what was once mine

What will always be mine

Two broken hearts lost and trying to find a way

All we are left with now are pieces

We are like scraps of material on a beautiful quilt

Each piece telling a story

We cling on to each other

Making the best of what life hath left us to contend with

It seems like that would be enough for now

We walk to a future where we know not how

Will we ever make this bond everlasting

We have love but not the way we want it

I have gone back home

Where I planted my precious flower and watched it grow

One piece at a time , I shall pick

I take what I can get and make the best of the rest

When you are with me , I feel whole

And when you are not there, I hold on to the memories of you

In my heart you are forever mine

And no one will ever take your place

Here I am picking up what’s left of us

Watering it with faith hope and love

In the land where my flower blossoms

I am picking up the pieces

(C) Nina Fabunmi 2018

http://www.ninafabunmi.com

I made you the captain of my ship

But you made me buy the boat

I handed you the steering wheel

But you lost us deep in a deep blue ocean

Nowhere land

Without a path or a destination

I had to jump off

And swim in my own direction

I left all that hurt and pain behind

But it seems like anytime you try to reach me

You bring it all along with you

Do I need to buy you another ship to sail to me

Give you a cabin and a crew that they may guide you

Hand you a life jacket that you may never drown?

Less you be lost once more

Still bringing along the pain and hurt I have tried ever so hard to get rid of

I am living in my own land where I found my way to

I have built me a shelter and provided for me

I am never lost

Just lost when I think about you

Lost in thoughts of your thoughts

Lost in thinking that your direction will ever lead you to me

In a way that will stop all the hurt and pain

But you always bring it along with you

So here we are never knowing how to do this

Where to now?

(C) Nina Fabunmi

http://www.ninafabunmi.com

Where forth shall we be ?

When forth ?

What say the dream?

What’s real or not?

The lost became the found

And the found is lost all over again

Don’t know the difference between the dream and the reality anymore

I have been living in my head for far too long

A place where I know how to achieve perfection

I am who I want to be

I can do what I please

And love whom I deem fit

There is no judgment

No rules or societal norms

And I am at peace

Released

I can dream

And I can make my dreams a reality

You were never lost to me

You never will be

It’s a dream but its reality

For I know not the difference

I have been living in my head

In my perfect world, you are mine and I am yours

We were promised to each other from the beginning

When we discovered what love was together and for the very first time

And we were lost to each other

But we are found

And we belong to each other

We always have , we always will

For this is a dream

And our world is perfect

For our dream is a reality

The reality of our dream

(C) Nina Fabunmi 2018

http://www.ninafabunmi.com

We are like two currents moving on different wave lengths

Oceans the will never meet

Two continents on different parts of the globe

So how shall we ever meet

We meet only to depart

Departure has become our only constant

Absence

The lack of your presence

So how shall we ever be

You inherited the life I once lived

I have moved beyond that but you are still there

How shall our worlds ever collide

Blinded by doubts, mistrust and so much pain

The past still dwells in the presence so how shall we ever heal

The waves are crashing against the beach

Rocking the sands back and forth

The waters have explored new lands

So how shall the currents ever meet

For they are oceans apart

They always depart

Flowing on other banks never in the same place

All that’s left between us is space

A cold void

Drifting further and further apart

Like oceans apart

(C) Nina Fabunmi 2018

http://www.ninafabunmi.com

Another strike to a battered heart

A gross loss of life

Another lost heart beat

A heart that feels defeat

Once a blessing

Now a lesson

But how shall I learn from this

You gave me comfort in my lonely bed

Now my pillow is soaked with the tears I shed

Wondering why you left me

Why we couldn’t be

Sitting in a pool of blood

Still trying to hold on to you despite the flood

Once again I was alone

You are gone

But I still feel you

Sometimes I think I really need you

The absence of you hath struck my already battered heart

With scars that look like a painful work of art

My insides hurt like I have a cut

My head is filled with thoughts that rot

My body, I see signs of you on it

Thought you are not in it

You have struck me badly

And opened old wounds I once thought were healed sadly

I am hurting all over again

Waiting for my pain to heal to find me again

Numbing the pain by making art

Mending the strike to my battered heart

(C) Nina Fabunmi 2018

http://www.ninafabunmi.com

Can’t get the rose without the thorn

A horn without a kill

A need without a seed

And a seed needs a feed

It takes what it can’t get

It grows persistently

Because it’s story needed to be told and not to be sold

The sun came out

It blazed and it burnt

It left a mark

And it will never go away

Because it’s beams are everlasting

Even in the deep dark night

It snuck up on the moon

And still shines it’s light

A red rose with a prickly thorn

It’s plucker had to shed blood for it

The blood caused a flood

Like one that had be struck by a sword

It left a mark

That mark will never go away

Because it struck so deep

And even though the wound felt healed

It was never sealed

It will last forever

It will bring pain and pleasure

It will always be a treasure

That beautiful red rose with a thorn

That thorn will never be gone

Because you can’t get a rose without a thorn

(C) Nina Fabunmi 2018

http://www.ninafabunmi.com

I am guilty of loving you

My little peanut

A thumping heart beat inside of me

Little limbs, tiny thoughts

But did you ever get the chance to hear my voice

As I sang to you and told you how much I loved you

One day you were swimming and the next day you were still

And I wonder if the weight I carried was too much for you to bear

Did you hear me cry and cry with me

Did you see through my worries when I felt so alone in this

Did you hear me wonder how I would care for you

And did you decide to spare me the bother

But you were always a blessing my little peanut

And I loved you so much I knew I would find a way

I walked miles under the blazing sun

I had to fend for our household so that I could provide for you

But you left me and almost took me along with you

And you did indeed take a part of me with you

I can’t stop wondering what you would have looked like

With my eyes and your fathers smile

Would we go the saloon together one day and get matching manicures

I will never know

I am guilty of all that you accuse me of

Guilty of feeling guilty for your demise

Scars in my womb

My blood shed for you

Flowing out of me like a bucket full of dye

Blacking out

Drifting between life and death

And yet

My heart aches for you , it always will

Because I am guilty of loving you

(C) Nina Fabunmi 2018

http://www.ninafabunmi.com

Forgive me

If I didn’t smile at you today

Say a kind word to you

Or massage your emotional ego

Forgive me

Just as I have forgiven myself

For not saying a kind word to myself

Or tending to my own emotional needs

I went to bed last night

I shut my eyes in anticipation of a deep and peaceful sleep

But sleep did not come

Instead my eyes grew heavy with tears

They dropped down to my pillow gently

Reminding me of the pain I have had to endure

Alone in my bed with no one beside me but me

I am traumatized by that which once gave me joy

I don’t know if that type of joy will ever return

I don’t know if I will ever need it

I am in search of me once more

My laughter, my smile

Cheerfulness and happy thoughts

I am burdened and trying to carry less

Peeling off the extra pounds I have gained

To give life to the new life that once lived in me

That life is now gone with the wind

But still I carry the weight

And it is weighing me down

In ways I never imagined possible

So forgive me

If I am back to finding me

Because I am really in need of me right now

I need to find me

Only then can I give me once again

Finding me……

(C) Nina Fabunmi 2018