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Finding Me Again
Forgive me
If I didn’t smile at you today
Say a kind word to you
Or massage your emotional ego
Forgive me
Just as I have forgiven myself
For not saying a kind word to myself
Or tending to my own emotional needs
I went to bed last night
I shut my eyes in anticipation of a deep and peaceful sleep
But sleep did not come
Instead my eyes grew heavy with tears
They dropped down to my pillow gently
Reminding me of the pain I have had to endure
Alone in my bed with no one beside me but me
I am traumatized by that which once gave me joy
I don’t know if that type of joy will ever return
I don’t know if I will ever need it
I am in search of me once more
My laughter, my smile
Cheerfulness and happy thoughts
I am burdened and trying to carry less
Peeling off the extra pounds I have gained
To give life to the new life that once lived in me
That life is now gone with the wind
But still I carry the weight
And it is weighing me down
In ways I never imagined possible
So forgive me
If I am back to finding me
Because I am really in need of me right now
I need to find me
Only then can I give me once again
Finding me……
(C) Nina Fabunmi 2018
Captured
She came to me like a thief in the night
She captured my heart
My body was hers
Mind , spirit and soul
I prayed for her, I prayed with her
I sang to her , I spoke words to her
She controlled me
My walk, my talk, my indisposition
I loved her with every ounce of my being
I nurtured her
Made room for her
She took over me
All that I did and did not do was now for her well being
Her heart was beating inside of me
Until one day, it was beating no more
Unable to sustain her life inside me
I almost gave mine up to keep her
But she was gone
Just as quietly as she once snuck up upon me
Without a word or a whisper
She faded away into oblivion
But I still felt her in my within
And then I felt her no more
I am filled with the void that she left inside me
Thankful for the life I have despite her demise
Asking questions that have no answers
Reminded that the load was not mine alone to bear
And yet I bore it alone
Till it all came crashing down on me
Drowning in the pools of my own blood
Saved by the very same angels who took her to a better place
And though she is no more
She hath captured me
She is in my head, my heart, my soul
My body bears the scars she left within me
I see her, I hear her, I feel her
I am captured by her
(c) Nina Fabunmi 2018
Unripe Coconut
The coconut was not ripe when it fell from the tree
Yet it managed to make an impact on the ground upon which it fell
It left an impression, a gentle hollow in the soil
It crushed the weed beneath it
And it’s water seeped out of its crack
Only to nourish the tree from which it fell
Giving back life to that which once gave it life .
(c) Nina Fabunmi 2018
Amazon
Amazon was a woman, I watched her on TV as she saddled a horse and rode it deep into the forest with her rifle in her hand . She killed an antelope and brought meat home that her children may eat. She took on so much …. but deep within, all she ever really wanted was a for a man to cater to her needs.
She sleeps alone in a lonely bed, awakes and reaches out to the empty space beside her, yearning for the one she loves. She awakes to the weight of all that she must take on for the day and she does it ….. showing no weakness but finding ways to build strength. she goes to bed at night with a head filed with dreams…. when forth shall they come true. She prays and holds on to her faith in God. he blesses her …. and she prays for strength to take on her new blessings.
Her eyes are the windows to her soul. Deep wells of emotion all bottled up within in fear of the hurricane they may cause. Sometimes she feels like she rusts un-burnished but through it all she shines ……..
©Nina Fabunmi 2018
Solemn
To be in a moment
Baring yourself to that heartfelt moment
Where thoughts float like dreams that come and go
The mind like a machine, manufacturing these thoughts
One moment, I had you in my arms
Now you are a dream away
Soon another moment will come once more
Then it will be taken away again
My heart rocks back and forth like a pendulum
Happy when I can feel your embrace
Sad when I long for you
Solemn…
I have learnt to take in the moment
To drift away in memories of you
To wait and hope for another time
To touch… to hold…. to feel again
© Nina Fabunmi 2018
OTHER WAYS TO SHOP FOR MY PAINTINGS
Vango using the link below
https://www.vangoart.co/ninafabunmi
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https://www.saatchiart.com/account/artworks/725174
You can also shop on my website www.ninafabunmi.com by contacting me concerning the painting you are interested in
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Evolved
https://instagram.com/p/Bbevnw6l2Qi/
I remember sitting in the waiting room of his office. She sent him some home cooking and I remembered that I was the one who once cooked for him. I carried his child , she felt like she was mine , she could have been… but my angel is in heaven watching over me.
I woke up in my lonely bed and rolled from side to side , celebrating my freedom… he was finally gone and now I could breathe again. I didn’t have to listen to the sound of him snoring or smell his stinky farts at night.
I looked at my finger and remembered the one who put a ring on it. He had put several rings on it and we were dancing the tango once more. In my dreams I call out to him. I can almost smell him like he was right next to me.
In love I have lost and won and lost and won again. I have peeled off many layers , pouring my soul into my canvas as I constantly evolve. Where will it take me …. when will I find my home … I am like a butterfly…. transitional….. evolving ….
Copyright Nina Fabunmi 2017 http://www.ninafabunmi.com
