When…..?
When does it end……? Never
Her emotions are like daggers stabbing at her heart
She goes to sleep at night but when she shuts her eyes, tears trickle down and she remembers it all
They chased away her suitors and killed her child
Their evil was laced with good intentions but they left her damaged
She ended up alone
A fragile heart, afraid to love
Heart filled with daggers, bleeding all over
She is alone, crying, no comfort, just painful memories
She wonders when it will all end
When……?
©Nina Fabunmi 2020
The Journey to the Top
Like a tree
I struggle to be free
High buttresses of emotions weigh me down
Like the butter colored wedding gown
I wore to begin a new life with him
That life became my strife within
It was like moving from one prison to another
Craving the love of another
Thinking that he could love me the same
But what he called love was nothing but a shame
He bullied me out of my earnings
Put to waste all my life’s yearnings
He struck me with his fist
Till I saw nothing but mist
I fell to the ground but I became a tree
Struggling to be free
My tears watered the ground
And broke the bound
I saw a light and it guided me
It showed me a way to be me
But my journey to the top is not quite done
One day, I’ll find the one
He will cut down the buttresses trying to pull me back
He will make sure I never lack
He will hold my hand and journey with me
Together, we shall be free
One day I will be dressed in white
And begin a new life with a love thats right
We shall journey to the top
And never stop
Our journey to the top
© Nina Fabunmi 2020
When Weary Winds Blows
When weary winds blow
When my space in infiltrated by that which I do not see
Its like the wind wandering into places no one dares to
You are in my head once again , uninvited
Like the wind that cracked the window open
I think of you, dream of you, wake up calling your name
And yet I sleep in an empty bed, craving you
Wondering if I am supposed to
The weary wind is blowing again
Tugging at my stubborn heart
Wanting that which it does not have
Meant to have or not
Once was but no more
What shall I do with the memories, the thoughts and the love I once felt for you
What shall I do with my undying love
Like an artist with paint but no canvas to express a work of art on
Praying for the wind to take it all away
Yet clinging to it like my dear life
For fear of the weary wind
I will climb into my head and lock myself in a box
The weary wind will not wash away my thoughts
I will take you with me where ever I go
And paint the pretty picture that is us, though not ,but is and will always be
Picking Up The Pieces
Like a wound that’s yet to be healed
How can I be the band aid for the wounded?
My tears are still overflowing
So how can I stop yours from falling
You left me a slippery ground to walk on
I struggled to keep on walking
Until at last I fell
You were like a derelict piece of land
And yet I planted my seed in you
I watered it with faith, hope and love
And you became profitable
You profited from me
With or without my consent
Whether or not it was descent
You claimed it as your right
Now you are like a flourishing piece of land
And those who eat from you are not me
Where forth went the seed I planted in you
I woke up and you were not there
And I remembered pain
And I remembered when love was real
I thought about her and the fruit of her womb
I wished it was mine but it wasn’t
I wanted to reclaim what was once mine
What will always be mine
Two broken hearts lost and trying to find a way
All we are left with now are pieces
We are like scraps of material on a beautiful quilt
Each piece telling a story
We cling on to each other
Making the best of what life hath left us to contend with
It seems like that would be enough for now
We walk to a future where we know not how
Will we ever make this bond everlasting
We have love but not the way we want it
I have gone back home
Where I planted my precious flower and watched it grow
One piece at a time , I shall pick
I take what I can get and make the best of the rest
When you are with me , I feel whole
And when you are not there, I hold on to the memories of you
In my heart you are forever mine
And no one will ever take your place
Here I am picking up what’s left of us
Watering it with faith hope and love
In the land where my flower blossoms
I am picking up the pieces
(C) Nina Fabunmi 2018
Where To Now?
I made you the captain of my ship
But you made me buy the boat
I handed you the steering wheel
But you lost us deep in a deep blue ocean
Nowhere land
Without a path or a destination
I had to jump off
And swim in my own direction
I left all that hurt and pain behind
But it seems like anytime you try to reach me
You bring it all along with you
Do I need to buy you another ship to sail to me
Give you a cabin and a crew that they may guide you
Hand you a life jacket that you may never drown?
Less you be lost once more
Still bringing along the pain and hurt I have tried ever so hard to get rid of
I am living in my own land where I found my way to
I have built me a shelter and provided for me
I am never lost
Just lost when I think about you
Lost in thoughts of your thoughts
Lost in thinking that your direction will ever lead you to me
In a way that will stop all the hurt and pain
But you always bring it along with you
So here we are never knowing how to do this
Where to now?
(C) Nina Fabunmi
The Reality Of A Dream
Where forth shall we be ?
When forth ?
What say the dream?
What’s real or not?
The lost became the found
And the found is lost all over again
Don’t know the difference between the dream and the reality anymore
I have been living in my head for far too long
A place where I know how to achieve perfection
I am who I want to be
I can do what I please
And love whom I deem fit
There is no judgment
No rules or societal norms
And I am at peace
Released
I can dream
And I can make my dreams a reality
You were never lost to me
You never will be
It’s a dream but its reality
For I know not the difference
I have been living in my head
In my perfect world, you are mine and I am yours
We were promised to each other from the beginning
When we discovered what love was together and for the very first time
And we were lost to each other
But we are found
And we belong to each other
We always have , we always will
For this is a dream
And our world is perfect
For our dream is a reality
The reality of our dream
(C) Nina Fabunmi 2018
Oceans Apart
We are like two currents moving on different wave lengths
Oceans the will never meet
Two continents on different parts of the globe
So how shall we ever meet
We meet only to depart
Departure has become our only constant
Absence
The lack of your presence
So how shall we ever be
You inherited the life I once lived
I have moved beyond that but you are still there
How shall our worlds ever collide
Blinded by doubts, mistrust and so much pain
The past still dwells in the presence so how shall we ever heal
The waves are crashing against the beach
Rocking the sands back and forth
The waters have explored new lands
So how shall the currents ever meet
For they are oceans apart
They always depart
Flowing on other banks never in the same place
All that’s left between us is space
A cold void
Drifting further and further apart
Like oceans apart
(C) Nina Fabunmi 2018
Another Strike To A Battered Heart
Another strike to a battered heart
A gross loss of life
Another lost heart beat
A heart that feels defeat
Once a blessing
Now a lesson
But how shall I learn from this
You gave me comfort in my lonely bed
Now my pillow is soaked with the tears I shed
Wondering why you left me
Why we couldn’t be
Sitting in a pool of blood
Still trying to hold on to you despite the flood
Once again I was alone
You are gone
But I still feel you
Sometimes I think I really need you
The absence of you hath struck my already battered heart
With scars that look like a painful work of art
My insides hurt like I have a cut
My head is filled with thoughts that rot
My body, I see signs of you on it
Thought you are not in it
You have struck me badly
And opened old wounds I once thought were healed sadly
I am hurting all over again
Waiting for my pain to heal to find me again
Numbing the pain by making art
Mending the strike to my battered heart
(C) Nina Fabunmi 2018
Can’t Get the Rose Without the Thorn
Can’t get the rose without the thorn
A horn without a kill
A need without a seed
And a seed needs a feed
It takes what it can’t get
It grows persistently
Because it’s story needed to be told and not to be sold
The sun came out
It blazed and it burnt
It left a mark
And it will never go away
Because it’s beams are everlasting
Even in the deep dark night
It snuck up on the moon
And still shines it’s light
A red rose with a prickly thorn
It’s plucker had to shed blood for it
The blood caused a flood
Like one that had be struck by a sword
It left a mark
That mark will never go away
Because it struck so deep
And even though the wound felt healed
It was never sealed
It will last forever
It will bring pain and pleasure
It will always be a treasure
That beautiful red rose with a thorn
That thorn will never be gone
Because you can’t get a rose without a thorn
(C) Nina Fabunmi 2018
