I made you the captain of my ship

But you made me buy the boat

I handed you the steering wheel

But you lost us deep in a deep blue ocean

Nowhere land

Without a path or a destination

I had to jump off

And swim in my own direction

I left all that hurt and pain behind

But it seems like anytime you try to reach me

You bring it all along with you

Do I need to buy you another ship to sail to me

Give you a cabin and a crew that they may guide you

Hand you a life jacket that you may never drown?

Less you be lost once more

Still bringing along the pain and hurt I have tried ever so hard to get rid of

I am living in my own land where I found my way to

I have built me a shelter and provided for me

I am never lost

Just lost when I think about you

Lost in thoughts of your thoughts

Lost in thinking that your direction will ever lead you to me

In a way that will stop all the hurt and pain

But you always bring it along with you

So here we are never knowing how to do this

Where to now?

(C) Nina Fabunmi

http://www.ninafabunmi.com

Where forth shall we be ?

When forth ?

What say the dream?

What’s real or not?

The lost became the found

And the found is lost all over again

Don’t know the difference between the dream and the reality anymore

I have been living in my head for far too long

A place where I know how to achieve perfection

I am who I want to be

I can do what I please

And love whom I deem fit

There is no judgment

No rules or societal norms

And I am at peace

Released

I can dream

And I can make my dreams a reality

You were never lost to me

You never will be

It’s a dream but its reality

For I know not the difference

I have been living in my head

In my perfect world, you are mine and I am yours

We were promised to each other from the beginning

When we discovered what love was together and for the very first time

And we were lost to each other

But we are found

And we belong to each other

We always have , we always will

For this is a dream

And our world is perfect

For our dream is a reality

The reality of our dream

(C) Nina Fabunmi 2018

http://www.ninafabunmi.com

We are like two currents moving on different wave lengths

Oceans the will never meet

Two continents on different parts of the globe

So how shall we ever meet

We meet only to depart

Departure has become our only constant

Absence

The lack of your presence

So how shall we ever be

You inherited the life I once lived

I have moved beyond that but you are still there

How shall our worlds ever collide

Blinded by doubts, mistrust and so much pain

The past still dwells in the presence so how shall we ever heal

The waves are crashing against the beach

Rocking the sands back and forth

The waters have explored new lands

So how shall the currents ever meet

For they are oceans apart

They always depart

Flowing on other banks never in the same place

All that’s left between us is space

A cold void

Drifting further and further apart

Like oceans apart

(C) Nina Fabunmi 2018

http://www.ninafabunmi.com

Another strike to a battered heart

A gross loss of life

Another lost heart beat

A heart that feels defeat

Once a blessing

Now a lesson

But how shall I learn from this

You gave me comfort in my lonely bed

Now my pillow is soaked with the tears I shed

Wondering why you left me

Why we couldn’t be

Sitting in a pool of blood

Still trying to hold on to you despite the flood

Once again I was alone

You are gone

But I still feel you

Sometimes I think I really need you

The absence of you hath struck my already battered heart

With scars that look like a painful work of art

My insides hurt like I have a cut

My head is filled with thoughts that rot

My body, I see signs of you on it

Thought you are not in it

You have struck me badly

And opened old wounds I once thought were healed sadly

I am hurting all over again

Waiting for my pain to heal to find me again

Numbing the pain by making art

Mending the strike to my battered heart

(C) Nina Fabunmi 2018

http://www.ninafabunmi.com

Can’t get the rose without the thorn

A horn without a kill

A need without a seed

And a seed needs a feed

It takes what it can’t get

It grows persistently

Because it’s story needed to be told and not to be sold

The sun came out

It blazed and it burnt

It left a mark

And it will never go away

Because it’s beams are everlasting

Even in the deep dark night

It snuck up on the moon

And still shines it’s light

A red rose with a prickly thorn

It’s plucker had to shed blood for it

The blood caused a flood

Like one that had be struck by a sword

It left a mark

That mark will never go away

Because it struck so deep

And even though the wound felt healed

It was never sealed

It will last forever

It will bring pain and pleasure

It will always be a treasure

That beautiful red rose with a thorn

That thorn will never be gone

Because you can’t get a rose without a thorn

(C) Nina Fabunmi 2018

http://www.ninafabunmi.com

I am guilty of loving you

My little peanut

A thumping heart beat inside of me

Little limbs, tiny thoughts

But did you ever get the chance to hear my voice

As I sang to you and told you how much I loved you

One day you were swimming and the next day you were still

And I wonder if the weight I carried was too much for you to bear

Did you hear me cry and cry with me

Did you see through my worries when I felt so alone in this

Did you hear me wonder how I would care for you

And did you decide to spare me the bother

But you were always a blessing my little peanut

And I loved you so much I knew I would find a way

I walked miles under the blazing sun

I had to fend for our household so that I could provide for you

But you left me and almost took me along with you

And you did indeed take a part of me with you

I can’t stop wondering what you would have looked like

With my eyes and your fathers smile

Would we go the saloon together one day and get matching manicures

I will never know

I am guilty of all that you accuse me of

Guilty of feeling guilty for your demise

Scars in my womb

My blood shed for you

Flowing out of me like a bucket full of dye

Blacking out

Drifting between life and death

And yet

My heart aches for you , it always will

Because I am guilty of loving you

(C) Nina Fabunmi 2018

http://www.ninafabunmi.com