Half A Life

I tasted the flaccid only to remember how good the hard felt

Flaccid was  like acid , it burnt me , it was never good for me

I remembered sitting on something firm

I was grounded , I was whole

Going back to those hot sweaty nights

Falling asleep to humming mosquitoes

The broken silence of long nights

Yet two souls became one , our never ending story

We hurt each other

We suffer for our own lack of forgiveness

But we have suffered enough

My African Mandingo warrior

Oceans apart

And now, I have learnt to live half a life

Flower in a jungle of unworthy eyes

I blossomed but it was flawed with oblivious intent

I curled up once again, hiding behind the green leaves giving me shelter

I await the day he will swim the Atlantic, soar the skies and ride the black stallion

To reclaim me once more

Till then , I shall live half a life

Knife in my heart

Wife

Studs on my fingers

Life

Crown on my head

The fruits of my womb

Our bond

Returned to us

Our crown

But till then

Half a life

 

Copyright Nina Fabunmi 2017

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I Forgot You

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I forgot you

He touched me and I forgot you

You became a figment of my imagination

A nightmare in a dream that I had awoken from

A roller coaster ride that had finally come to an end

Ashes of a dead cadaver gone with the wind

Once again I saw your lies

And all my futile cries

And I forgot you

Because he touched me and he made me feel again

I remembered love

I remembered truth

I remembered what it felt like  without deciept

A man who knew what it was to be a man

And I forgot you

He lifted me up and I left you behind

And I forgot you

 

http://www.ninafabunmi.com

 

Pensive

Pensive

I wanted to think

But I could not blink

I wanted to dream

But sleep didn’t come

I stared into open space

Tears rolled down my eyes

Like an endless river of overflow

When will it stop

How will I know

I ponder still

I tried to erase the memories to no avail

Climbing a never-ending hill

On a journey that only gets steeper

Like diving into an ocean that only gets deeper

I wanted to open a safety deposit box and lock them all up in there

Away from me, so I could move with more ease

My heart raced like horses on a track

My body became warm

Sweat buds popped on my forehead

Like steam on the lid of a hot soup pot

Defensive

My emotions are like clouds in the sky

Sometimes I wonder how I get by

Soon they will erupt into a torrential downpour

Causing floods that will sweep away all that’s in its way

Only then will I be free

Pensive

 

©Nina Fabunmi 2016

http://www.ninafabunmi.com

Wasted Years

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I would brood over my wasted years

And all in vain I would cry these tears

But the years have wasted not but yet

And I intend not to wait till death

For I have desires, passions and yearnings

For which I intend to make my life’s earnings

That I should suffer for the loss of my worth

And one day find myself a rot

But that, Oh! Lord, I shallest not

But to seek the things I have sought in thought

To pursue my dreams and in all its realms

Even in religion, to recite my psalms

A day is passed yesterday, today and another tomorrow

Swiftly it slips by, slides away, but yet shall find me not in sorrow

For I intend to conquer all my fears

And take a firm grasp on all my years

Less I find myself in tears

Brooding over my wasted years

 

©Nina Fabunmi 2016

http://www.ninafabunmi.com

Forbidden

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Christianity brings sanity

Religion itself gives us control

Things we ought to say and do

Things we cannot say or do

They are forbidden

There are laws that have been laid down

Only to guide us

But can they really guide us?

For no matter how much guidance we get

We have been made to be free

For even Adam and Eve walked the earth in nudity

Free just like animals

And they are our parent’s parents

Truth is

We have unlimited freedom

That exists in our minds

That neither religion nor common law can restrict

It’s left to us now

To build its boundaries for ourselves

And that’s where religion comes in

To aid us in knowing our limits

But these limits are implicit

And can be superceded by the depth of our thinking

And we can tap into the forbidden

Even though it’s forbidden

Making it our own secret

The things we do that are forbidden

 

©Nina Fabunmi 2016

http://www.ninafabunmi.com

Hacking At My Heart

Emotional by Nina Fabunmi, 4x3ft, Acrylic on Canvas, 2011

 

I have loved and I have lost

And I am still loving

And I will continue to love

They have come and they have gone

And they are still there

And they will continue to be there

Each one of them that I have loved and I have lost

Has hacked away at my heart

Hacked a piece of my heart away

A piece has turned into pieces

And they have hacked them away

Those whom I am still loving are hacking away at it

And are still hacking

And will continue to hack

And those who are waiting to love me still

Are holding their swords, their matchets and their hoes

Waiting to hack away at my heart

My heart is fragile but it beats still

Pumping twice the amount it was before it was hacked at

It struggles to beat but it beats still

Struggling to breathe

But it breathes still

And struggling to sustain the life in me

But I am still alive

With many more years to stay alive

And though they have hacked away at my heart

They have moulded it with beautiful curves

Defined each twist and turn on it

Moulded the bends into beautiful bends

And defined the curvature of it

And it is a beautiful heart

Beating, pumping and breathing still

Loving and giving and loving again

Loving even those to whom love has been lost to

Loving those whom still love

And waiting to love those waiting to love

Waiting to hack away at my heart

Hacking at my heart

 

©Nina Fabunmi 2016

http://www.ninafabunmi.com

Care Mistreat

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Where peace of mind is hard to find

And you hope that the world will be kind

When care turns to fear and you quiver at the very thought of him

You look in his eyes and all you see is lies

The lies buzz like flies on a huge pile of shit

Offended by the filth!

The stench is lethal you have to flee

When your heart becomes like a tennis ball

Bouncing from racket to racket

Till its smacked down hard on the ground

The victorious cheer at your expense

When you close your eyes in sleep

Tormented thoughts

They turn into nightmares

And still you have to summon courage to face another day

Care like wear and tear

Exhausted you combust

Like a grenade about to explode

With all the load you’ve had to bear

Finally, you have to abort

Less it kills what’s left of you

Your care turns to a glare as you look back at your life

Flush strife down the toilet drain

Thrive on the gain of pain

Sowing in new soils

Praying for rain

 

©Nina Fabunmi 2016

http://www.ninafabunmi.com