I am guilty of loving you
My little peanut
A thumping heart beat inside of me
Little limbs, tiny thoughts
But did you ever get the chance to hear my voice
As I sang to you and told you how much I loved you
One day you were swimming and the next day you were still
And I wonder if the weight I carried was too much for you to bear
Did you hear me cry and cry with me
Did you see through my worries when I felt so alone in this
Did you hear me wonder how I would care for you
And did you decide to spare me the bother
But you were always a blessing my little peanut
And I loved you so much I knew I would find a way
I walked miles under the blazing sun
I had to fend for our household so that I could provide for you
But you left me and almost took me along with you
And you did indeed take a part of me with you
I can’t stop wondering what you would have looked like
With my eyes and your fathers smile
Would we go the saloon together one day and get matching manicures
I will never know
I am guilty of all that you accuse me of
Guilty of feeling guilty for your demise
Scars in my womb
My blood shed for you
Flowing out of me like a bucket full of dye
Blacking out
Drifting between life and death
And yet
My heart aches for you , it always will
Because I am guilty of loving you
(C) Nina Fabunmi 2018
ninartz 