Guilty Of Loving You

I am guilty of loving you

My little peanut

A thumping heart beat inside of me

Little limbs, tiny thoughts

But did you ever get the chance to hear my voice

As I sang to you and told you how much I loved you

One day you were swimming and the next day you were still

And I wonder if the weight I carried was too much for you to bear

Did you hear me cry and cry with me

Did you see through my worries when I felt so alone in this

Did you hear me wonder how I would care for you

And did you decide to spare me the bother

But you were always a blessing my little peanut

And I loved you so much I knew I would find a way

I walked miles under the blazing sun

I had to fend for our household so that I could provide for you

But you left me and almost took me along with you

And you did indeed take a part of me with you

I can’t stop wondering what you would have looked like

With my eyes and your fathers smile

Would we go the saloon together one day and get matching manicures

I will never know

I am guilty of all that you accuse me of

Guilty of feeling guilty for your demise

Scars in my womb

My blood shed for you

Flowing out of me like a bucket full of dye

Blacking out

Drifting between life and death

And yet

My heart aches for you , it always will

Because I am guilty of loving you

(C) Nina Fabunmi 2018

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